When people hear the words “domestic violence,” they almost instantly think of a person, most likely a man, physically abusing his partner. And, they wouldn’t necessarily be wrong. This type of dreaded behaviour accounts for a decent percentage of abuse within a relationship.

However, contrary to the general misconception, domestic violence engulfs a wide range of abusive behaviours, most of which do not even include physical contact. Experts estimate that in the UK, domestic abuse will affect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in their lifetime.

We rounded up the 10 most common signs of domestic violence that allude to a potentially abusive partner. You should look out for these symptoms of domestic abuse in a person before engaging in a serious relationship with them!

1. Physical abuse

One of the most common forms of domestic violence occurs when one partner uses physical force to abuse the other half of the couple. If the maltreatment continues, the abuser feels more confident in using disproportionate force and/or objects or weapons to hurt the other person.

2. Mental or emotional abuse

In this case, the abuser substitutes physical hits for a verbal offense. More than often, he or she will threaten and bully the other person into submission.

Some emotional abusers are very well aware of the mental power that they hold over their partners. They use subtle tactics and psychological games to intimidate and manipulate their partners into doing their bid.

3. Controlling money

The financial situation of a couple needs to be in balance to ensure a carefree, long-lasting relationship.

Unfortunately, some partners prefer to keep financial secrets from their loved ones. Others aim to gain control over how their partners spend their money.

Both of these toxic behaviours are signs of domestic violence and potential abuse in the future.

4. Invading private communication channels

Despite being in a perfectly honest relationship, partners should be free to maintain their privacy when it comes to phone contacts, email conversations, and social media activity.

This kind of freedom is unthinkable for overly controlling individuals. They demand their partners to share every aspect of their private lives. Sometimes, they go as far as to check their phone or their messages without their partners’ knowledge or consent.

5. Forced Isolation

A healthy relationship grows steadily when the couple spends a great deal of time together. However, the bond grows even stronger when the two get to spend time alone from each other, seeing friends and family.

If your new partner is keeping you from meeting friends or loved ones, you might be dealing with a potentially dangerous abuser.

6. Cruelty towards animals and/or children

Some abusers may act lovingly towards their partners, but they show their true faces when they mistreat children or animals.

7. Threats or intimidation

A clear sign that someone may be domestically violent is seeing them damage things on purpose. These types of abusers are ill-equipped to use physical dominance or verbal manipulation, so they choose to hurt their partners by destroying something valuable to them.

8. Threats of suicide

The fear of their partners ending a relationship may lead some abusers to use false threats of suicide.

9. Drug or alcohol abuse

Addiction to drugs or alcohol may transform regular individuals into abusers that use physical force and emotional intimidation to control their partners.

10. Extreme jealousy or possessiveness

This kind of domestic violence occurs when one of the partners demands to know where their significant other is at every moment. The abuse takes many forms, such as calling or visiting to check where their partners are, what are they doing, and with whom, even going as far as dictating what to wear and what to say.

No matter how strong your feelings are for a person, you should know that these types of behaviour are completely unacceptable and intolerable in a relationship. If you are the victim of such actions from your partner, you should seek professional guidance from a health professional.

Out of all the forms of domestic violence, emotional abuse is the most difficult one to spot. The victims usually trade their comfort and emotional stability for their abusing partners’ love. On the other hand, abusers develop an addiction to the sick pleasure that they get from tormenting their loving partners.

Some people live their entire lives without realising that they have been the victims of severe emotional abuse. Here are 10 signs of how mental and emotional mistreatment look like in a relationship, and which you should keep an eye for in your current or next liaison!

1. Your partner isolates you from your loved ones

Abusive partners demand that you spend all of your time with them. They ask for 100% of your attention, and they get angry when you don’t comply. In their bid to control you and your time, they will create barriers between you and your friends or your family. Spending time alone or apart is unthinkable for them.

2. Your partner verbally abuses you

Some abusers use verbal communication as an offensive weapon in a relationship that they otherwise consider to be a loving one.

Such an abusive partner will insult you with derogatory names, disturbing jokes, and even blatant curse words. Whether you respond back or not, they will continue to harass you verbally into submission.

3. Your partner uses emotional manipulation

After verbally mistreating you, abusers may try to manipulate your feelings leading you to feel guilty for their outbursts.

This kind of abusive partner will seek breaches in your emotional armour, and use them to get inside your mind and toy with your feelings. In some cases, they will even threaten you with leaving if you don’t change your behaviour that led to their tantrum.

4. Your partner has an infinite resource of scapegoats

If your new partner always finds someone to blame for their failures or their defects, you might be dating a potentially abusive person.

Someone who cannot take responsibility for their mistakes is not ready for a mature relationship. Moving ahead with an emotionally abusive partner can lead to severe trauma in the future. The kind of person that always finds scapegoats will eventually blame you for their underachievement.

5. Your partner uses addiction to escape emotional responsibility

Some people resort to alcohol or drugs when they cannot admit failure, mistakes, or inappropriate behaviour. An adult that does not resolve past trauma can turn into an abusive partner that uses their addiction to escape emotional responsibility.

6. Your partner uses fear to control you

Some abusers extend control over their partners with the threat of violence. Even if they never physically hurt their lovers, they act as if they are always on the brink of doing it.

This type of reprehensible behaviour instils fear and forces you to live in constant anxiety. Your actions and your entire lifestyle may change to avoid potential retribution.

7. Your partner uses physically constraint

Even if your partner does not hit you, he or she can still use physical force to abuse you. Some evident signs of it include grabbing your wrists tightly, holding an arm over your neck or head in a dominant manner, or cornering you in the room and using their body to block your way out.

These signs of physical constraint point to abusive behaviour that may lead to domestic violence and tragic consequences in the future.

8. Your partner deprives you of affection

Another sign of emotional abuse is when your partner chooses to punish you for spending time away or for not giving them the attention that they demand. In this case, they intentionally deprive you of affection and act upset until you beg for their pardon.

9. Your partner treats you like a servant

This kind of emotional abuse is difficult to acknowledge even by the victims. Abusers develop a sense of entitlement that they use to treat their partners as servants. As a result, they demand constant care, attention, help, and supervision as if they were royalty.

10. Your partner is extremely jealous and possessive

A possessive partner has no consideration for your individuality. Such an abuser will try to gain full control over your life including your dreams, goals, and personal tastes. Their jealousy is limitless, and they will act on it to prevent you from spending time with other people than those of their choosing.

All of these signs of emotional abuse point to an immature individual who is not ready to commit to a serious, long-lasting, and happy relationship. If you encounter them in your partner, you should immediately have a calm and constructive conversation about the risks that they hold for your relationship.

Remember that emotional abuse is never a convenient price to pay for being in a relationship with someone. Seek external support to try to repair or end this kind of relationship with your partner.  Professional counsel should help you overcome the trauma that results from being emotionally abused in a toxic relationship!

If you feel like you are experiencing any of these and you are located in the Leicester, Leicestershire or  Rutland area please call our helpline today on 0808 802 0028. The helpline is open Monday to Saturday 8am to 8pm and is free from all mobiles, landlines and payphones. It is also hidden on the telephone bill.

Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour on the part of an abuser designed to control their partner. It can happen at any point in a relationship, including after you have split up.  Anyone forced to change their behaviour because they are frightened of their partner or ex-partner’s reaction is experiencing abuse.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, background, gender, religion, sexuality, HIV status, class, location or ethnicity. However, statistics sadly show most domestic abuse is carried out by men and experienced by women. Domestic abuse can also include forced marriage and so-called ‘honour crimes’.

Domestic abuse is an incident or pattern of incidents involving controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence. If you want to know about other services that we offer, please read our website.  If you are in immediate danger, please call 999 today.

You might think that it would be quite easy to spot if a person is the victim of domestic abuse but, in reality, this can be quite difficult to do.  Studies have shown that controlling and abusive partners can be skilled and making sure the signs of the harm that they cause are secret and hidden.  Still this does not mean that the signs are invisible.

All relationships are unique, and it is difficult, if not impossible, to say what is a normal relationship.  However, there are healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships. It helps to be able to recognise the negative signs in both your own relationships and those near to you who may be experiencing issues. Remember, if you ever feel unsafe or you are concerned about somebody else’s safety then take action today.

Remember, domestic abuse is never the fault of the person who is experiencing it.  “Domestic abuse is a crime”. Spotting the signs is critically important.   If you feel you are seeing the signs, then reach out to us for support today.

• Do they control your money?
• Is your partner jealous and possessive?
• Are they charming one minute and abusive the next?
• Do they tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?
• Do they pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?
• Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making them angry?
• Do they monitor or track your movements or messages?
• Do they use anger and intimidation to frighten and control you?
• Do they constantly put you down?
• Do they play mind games and make you doubt your judgement?

How we can support you
If you need support you can call our helpline today 0808 802 0028. The helpline is open Monday to Saturday 8am to 8pm and is free from all mobiles, landlines and payphones. It is also hidden on the telephone bill so if you are in the Leicester, Leicestershire or Rutland area please contact us today so we can help you today.

Here at Freeva we work closely with other agencies to ensure the right support is in place for you. Freeva are part of the United Against Violence & Abuse (UAVA) consortium – www.uava.org.uk and some of our services are jointly delivered with Living without Abuse (LWA) and Women’s Aid Leicestershire Limited (WALL).

There are a lot of myths and false information around domestic abuse and its causes. Victim-blaming is common, and women are unfortunately being frequently deterred from coming forward for fear of being blamed for the abuse. We work with a range of programs to help you get the support you need today.

Find out how to get help if you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse in the Leicester, Leicestershire and Rutland area today.